Thoughts . . .

I am not a poet,
but many a times I sit down and think.
I think real hard.
I think about my life, my past, my present, my future.
I think about my friends, my loved ones, my family.
I think about my career, my future, my destiny.
I've seen it all, heard it all, done it all and pondered through everything every minute of the way.
I've gone through tests, trauma, depression, heartaches, nervous breakdowns, suicide attempts and happy moments too.
If I weigh the moments i've been down, and I weigh the moments i've been up, the down moments take it.
I ask myself, am I worth it? am I worth having the friends I have? The family I have?
What's in store for me? what will become of me? the way I see it, i've hit rock bottom.
They say there's light on the other side of the tunnel, but I guess my tunnel goes all the way to infinity.
A part of me tells me there's so much to live for, the other part tells me I have nothing to live for.
How strong can One be? how long can one pile up all their burdens? who do you trust? I don't even trust the person in my own clothes.
The laughter, the giggles, the smiles, all that stuff I do, it's all a fake.
It's like i've made a pack with the devil, cause everything I do, at the end of the day I always fall.
I have exhausted every tiny bit of strength in me, I don't even cry tears anymore, it's just dust.
There's no such thing as a happy ending, or a smooth road, it's all a bunch of lies.
At times I feel like standing on top of the tallest building and shout and scream my heart out. I feel like I'm I'm battling with my self and losing.
I feel like a slave in my own world.
I don't know what's there for me out there, all I know is that I'm tired of searching for it. I'm not going to search anymore cause I'm tired.
I have hit rock bottom.