Ruth Konchellah and Michael Rannenberger – The Ambassador and I

While in Kenya, the former American ambassador to the US fell in love with a Maasai woman, Ruth Konchellah. This is her exclusive, never told before story.
She arrives wrapped in Million Dollar Woman, a deliciously personal, fragrant cloud that moves when she moves. A scarf is thrown casually over her shoulders and on top of it, a little, fluffy, dark and ropey ‘tail’ that goes around her neck; double layers to keep away the morning chill.
Ruth Konchellah was on our radar long before her relationship with Michael Rannenberger, former US Ambassador to Kenya, went public. Months into pursuing her, she invited the team to the Ambassador’s residence for his farewell cocktail where not only did the entire diplomatic community make a show – Rannenberger was quite popular – but also a host of heavy-weight corporate and political figures as well as a generous sprinkling of the media. His daughter too, was present.
Here, Ruth introduced me to Rannenberger, the man who has been her fiance for the past two-and-a-half years; they dated for three, during which time Ruth suffered the indignity of being referred to as “a mystery/unidentified/female companion” in press photographs, stopping short of referring to her as a consort. Holding her hand, he said without preamble, “She will do the interview. Just not right now, but she will certainly do it.” We had to take that reassurance to the bank the next morning when Ruth’s heartfelt message was translated verbatim and she was subsequently widely quoted, and ‘outed’, in the dailies as something definitely more than a friend.
However, the pair has still managed to keep the nature of their increasingly public relationship incredibly private. Part of the reason this event was so significant was the ease with which Ruth played hostess to his host, standing by his side with a radiant smile on her face. Shortly following the farewell cocktail, they left the country, taking their love story
along on Rannenberger’s next tour of duty. He is currently the Foreign Policy Advisor US Central Command and still very much in the thick of high powered international politics.
The last thing one expects from a vociferous ambassador is a beautiful love story. He is, after all, better known for his intolerance of graft, his passionate defence of democracy, and having his feet firmly planted where his beliefs, and those of America, stand.
Yet Ruth, 43, divorced, cousin of the legendary Billy Konchellah, motivational speaker, counselling psychologist, founder and director of Cherish Others Organisation – Kenya (an NGO that has been in existence since 2004) and mother of five, now four (more on that later), and Michael Rannenberger, late 50s, also divorced, diplomat, father of two and ever so intriguing to the media, are as different as the east is from the west. Theirs is a story of what happens when two universes collide.
In a tiny house in Kawangware, Ruth formed part of a family of five – her mother, two sisters and a brother. Her mother had brought them to Nairobi to get them away from a fate she herself was unable to escape, FGM. Their father had left them because “my mother was uneducated. She grew up in the village. I think he felt she wasn’t good enough.”
He had a job in the city and started hanging out with young, educated city girls.” Inevitably, they separated. Ruth describes their life as “hand to mouth”. Nevertheless, her mother turned out to be quite impressive. She took herself to the British Council where she learnt English, got herself employed as a secretary and even had a brief stint on KBC radio where she told stories in the Maasai language; her shows were very popular. She has since remarried a Frenchman, relocated to France and written an autobiography. “She is currently working on a French-Maasai dictionary,” says Ruth. No surprise that her mother is her inspiration, her father having passed away when she was 14.
Ruth’s own experiences with motherhood have been a tangle of mixed blessings. She had a 24-year-old son who died two years ago; she credits Rannenberger for being incredibly supportive during that time. “He helped me a lot in dealing with the loss of Anthony,” she says. Her son was diagnosed with depression and would be hit by bouts of it at unexpected intervals. “He was just so depressed. I tried everything I could but nothing worked. He died while undergoing treatment the last time he was admitted in hospital.” Ruth simply has no desire to delve into the tragedy.
“When he died, I decided to let it go. I figured there was no point going into the details about what happened and why.”
Her self-published booklet, My Teenage Pregnancy, talks about the circumstances leading to Anthony’s birth, which happened when she was barely out of high school. She ended up raising him as a single mother although the father was financially supportive.
Interestingly, Anthony was such a pretty baby that he was a child model, and it was this money that got him through primary school. He was also something of an actor and featured in a documentary, Know Your City, when he was 10 years old. While she was raising him, Ruth got a scholarship to study in Germany and later on got a job as a travel agent.
She distributes the booklet to young school girls every time she is called to talk to them.
It was written out of the frustration of losing her first child and her experience of growing up, and acts as a cautionary tale to young girls, especially with regards to premature sexual encounters. “When my son died, I was devastated. I cried and mourned him for so long. One day I sat down with a pen and paper and wrote for three days straight. I just kept writing and writing. When I was done, I gave it to my mother to read through.” Her mother edited it and at some point Ruth got the idea to publish it as a booklet. “It is available for sale if someone wants to buy it but for now, I just give it away,” she says.
We are joined by a young girl who sits next to Ruth and looks all of 16. When she gets up to leave, she introduces herself as Joyce, Ruth’s 21 -year-old daughter, to which Ruth says, “She is so young I can’t possibly call her my daughter-in-law, so I call her my daughter.” Ruth became a grandmother at 42 when Joyce had a baby girl. Now a two-and-a-half-year-old bundle of inquisitiveness, the little girl, named Antonia Imani Tito (named for her father, Ruth’s late son), is also referred to as Ruth’s daughter. “There is nothing in the world that equals losing your child. It is not like losing your parents or your husband because that is losing the past; when you lose your child, you lose their future – all the things they could have been had they lived.” She also has two other boys aged 17 and 15 from a previous marriage to a man she met because Anthony had befriended his family. The Arabian ex-husband lives with their sons at the coast.
When her relationship with Rannenberger became serious over the course of the three years they were dating; she moved into his Muthaiga residence, although she does maintain her own apartment where she now lives. During the school holidays her sons would visit her and they, along with the two girls, would be hosted by the Ambassador. At the time of the interview, Rannenberger had been in the country about 10 days earlier. “It was great living at the embassy where someone asks you what you want for breakfast when you wake up.”
Their first meeting was rather noteworthy. He was a guest in a village in Transmara in 2006, where she was campaigning against FGM. She wanted to get his attention. “I had worked with the American Embassy before and I wanted to thank him for all their support.” She was not part of the day’s programme but managed to convince the emcee to include her. He put her at the very end after which she quickly said she and five girls she was with would sing a song. The emcee agreed on condition that they did it as the guest of honour, Rannenberger, was walking away, because that was the least disruptive way.
“When I got the microphone, he was already walking away. I called him and asked him to stop, and said we had just one song to sing and then something brief to say, please.” She proceeded to thank him and do the song. He found their hastily arranged performance so entertaining that he joined them and even began to dance. Shortly after, she handed him her business card. A couple of weeks later she was invited for an event at which they interacted very briefly and she got his number.
A few days lapsed. “I called after three days and thanked him for inviting me to the event. He was very friendly and complimented me on the Transmara programme.” A year lapsed. “I figured he was a busy man and I was not so sure about calling him. I usually see a therapist and I went to see her about how to go about contacting him and she said, ‘He gave you the number because he wanted you to call.’ I did, and asked him if we could have lunch and we did, at Trattoria. From then on we had lunches several times and one day he asked, ‘Do you want to come for dinner at my house?’ He said he would cook for me.” Ruth giggles and blushes throughout the narrative, coming across as young as her daughter.
“There is so much about him that people don’t know. They just see this serious, no-nonsense side of him but he is actually very romantic. Every time I visited he would have a surprise for me. One night it would be rose petals on the floor, the other it would be a candle-lit dinner. And when he travelled he would always return with gifts for me.”
One thing for sure about Rannenberger; he is quite charismatic. This was evident at his farewell cocktail where he was surrounded by a bevy of wide-eyed beauties, a number of them in little dresses and impossibly high heels, some with distinctly familiar faces, all threaded into his conversation and competing for his attention. It is difficult to ask a woman this without seeming offensive, but how did Ruth snag him?
She laughs at this, this woman who easily admits that she is naive. “I know that he was very popular with the ladies. But the thing about people who are public figures is that they really are just people. We treat them like celebrities and forget that they are human too. I think it was because I listened to him. I really listened. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am a psychologist. When you want someone to open up to you, ask them really simple questions about their life. Everybody has their concerns and stuff they want to share. Maybe that was it. I do know that he is very different from what people think they know of him.” It must be true. After all, he taught her how to ride a bicycle and how to play tennis.
“He plays tennis for four hours! He is in great shape,” she observes.
They swam in his heated Muthaiga pool; they would have dinner every Friday and they would cuddle opposite the large TV screen to watch the latest American movies, which he had sent to him regularly. They had a dog they played catch with on his vast, beautifully landscaped lawn – a dog she adopted and brought to her Nairobi home and who runs around longing for a game of catch with tattered tennis balls.
When Rannenberger proposed, he did it Hollywood style – on bended knee over dinner. Of course, she said yes. “He gave me this,” she beams, slipping off her ring and placing it in the palm of my hand. And the romance continues – he may be based in the US now but when she has a bad day, she receives a huge, gorgeous bouquet of roses when she gets home, just because. “He is so caring. He cares a lot about my family and when we are together, he will not talk about politics.
In fact, I am the one who has to pry that kind of conversation out of him. He focuses exclusively on me.” Their long distance relationship requires a great deal of commitment to make it work. “His work keeps him in the US and my life is here. My family is here. I travel to be with him when I can.” Things must be working out because they are planning a wedding, scheduled for this December, right here in Kenya.
She has learnt how to have a relationship in the public eye. “We laugh like crazy just before we get out of the car but the moment we are out in public, we become very serious.” Ruth’smost ende aring quality has got to be her versatility. She blends in at village level with the young girls she works with, and also spends hours in the company of those on the who’s who list.
“When I met President Kibaki, I remember asking tylichael to take a picture of the two of us. The President found it so funny that he asked someone else to bring a camera so he could take our picture for his personal collection!”
She adds, “He has taught me that people are the same. We idolise our leaders when they are just normal people. We
need to change the way we handle our leadership.” The two have done a lot of travelling together even when he was at the
embassy. “He works so hard and has such a big daily schedule that the embassy staff was very happy he was relaxing. We
travelled the country and one of the best places I visited was Turkana. We also went to Chale Island and had it all to
ourselves. Can you believe that?”
Once again, her motherhood dynamic shifts. “His son (Mark) and I get along very well. He works in the US. His daughter (Elizabeth) is in university. He has such a special relationship with her. He kept wanting us to get together and we kept saying we would get together when we were both ready. It took us a few years. Just before I came back she thanked me for taking care of her dad because she can see that he is happy with me.” Her own children have accepted her fiance; thanks to her counselling background, she says their transition was easier.
For the record, Ruth is a champion in her own right. She has done a great deal for women in her community, including advocating for the abolishing of FGM and sensitising women on alternate rites of passage. She provides scholarships when she can for 100 children who need anything from books to uniforms, and has even put up bathrooms next to the river because girls who shower in the river are stigmatised for not being circumcised. “That bullying is what pressurises girls into FGM.” She does not have a whole lot of funding. Right now, it is almost a single handed project with a lot of help from Rannenberger.
Ruth shares countless horror stories. For instance, one little known fact is that there are pockets of communities living in
the US who still practice FGM though it is clearly illegal in the US. Ruth works with the UN, counseling girls in refugee camps from Somalia and Ethiopia before they leave the camps for the States, preparing them so that they can take a stand against FGM when they move into new territory. This she says she does independent of Rannenberger’s influence. “The US is not like here where you get an opportunity because of who you know.
They vet you and they are very strict about it.”
When she went to New York with Rannenberger shortly after his farewell party, she had initially planned to stay there
for six weeks, but it turned into four months. “Michael took time off. We had never had some quiet time on our own. Every
time I wanted to leave he would tell me to stay a little longer.
It was good for me. I had a proper vacation. I was so pampered I added 15 pounds! I had to go shopping!” To which she adds, “He completely understands my sense of style. I don’t have to tell him what to buy me and I never have a problem with what he buys. It is always perfect.”
She concludes: “I am very happy. I think I am extremely  happy. I mean, which man is going to marry a 43 year-old -
woman with four kids?”
In her own words
How do you get funding for your organisation?
I had a private partner from Canada but she backed out last year so now I work on grants from institutions. It is not exactly enough. I spot part of it myself with help from Michael. I have an office in Nairobi and one in Transmara and our current project involves immigrants from Eritrea, Somali and Ethiopia.
What are some of your achievements in fighting FGM?
Iam glad FGM has been spoken about over the last few years and I am glad the FGM bill was enforced
You were married before. What do you think happened then?
Part of it was conflict from the other side. He had kids and I had kids. It helps to get into marriage clean. But we are friends and it is a good arrangement. I specifically came back from the US because my kids were on their mid-term break so I think I will plan around their holidays so we can be together. We wanted to travel together in December but because of the wedding. We decided to stay.
Have you thought of the kind of wedding you would like to have?
The wedding will be here. I already have a big, white wedding so that isn’t what I am looking for now. I am happy with what we have decided to do and I am very ready.
You have travelled a lot. What are some of your favourite destinations?
I enjoyed Dubai. My kids liked it. I liked South Africa whe I went to the gold mines. You must do that, and Paris because my mother lives there. She moved there when we were older and we did not mind. She writes books in French and English. Her first book was based on her life, A Tale of a Maasai Girl. She publishes under the name Grace Mesopirr Sicard
You and here are something of’ “late bloomers” when it comes to love!
Yes. Its never too late for anyone. You can meet someone in late life and be very happy.
What are some of the things you love about Michael?
He is so caring. He calls me every day. He is concerned about my family and asks after my kids. He is almost  telling me not to stay in the rain or I will catch a cold! It feels nice. He really spoils me. When he was travelling he would always tell me to make sure I was home before it got dark. Even with his busy schedule, lie has time to call me every two hours and when I get home. I think he has compartments in his mind, he focuses on its. He doesn’t talk about politics. He is also very romantic.
Words: Carol Odero Photographers: Courtesy Ruth Konchellah and Tutu Hair and Make up: Shiro Wanyoike