What started as the pain of the loss of a loved one ended up being
the beginning of endless mental problems for Michael Njenga including
attempted suicide. Michael lost his father to a road accident in 1991.
The experience was very painful to him and he was in denial for a very
long time.“My father and I were very close, we were best of friends and so when he passed on I did not accept the fact that he had gone for good,” he said adding that he always told himself that his father would one day be back and life would be normal.
“I kept telling myself that maybe he would come through our door in a week’s time, or even a month’s time but I was wrong,” Michael narrates. As time went by he realized that that was impossible, he had just sat for his KCPE exams
and was to join Secondary School. His mother, being a house wife had a challenge raising his fees and other expenses in the house for him and his younger sister.“Finally I joined secondary school and everything was just fine. I was a bright student and performed well academically,” said Michael.
Problems however started in form two when his grades started going down. He also had strained relationship with other students and the teachers.
Impact
“One day we were having a Continuous Assessment Test (CAT) and a teacher places a paper on my desk and I snapped. I tore the paper into pieces,” he narrates. As expected he was sent home for being rude and disobedient. At home people did not understand him they all thought that he just did not want to go to school and wanted
to lazy at home. Michael did not understand what was happening to him.After some time he sought medical attention, he underwent many comprehensive tests including head scan to find out what was with him.
“I even thought that I had a heart disease, people started talking about me as we expect and other talked to me. Eventually I went back to school,” he said. The situation however got worse, the society had their own expectations and in form two things got worse.
That is when he went suicidal. “I went to a petrol station, lied to the attendant that my mum’s car had stalled somewhere and I bought 100 shillings worth of fuel. I drank it and lost conscious. Fortunately it was not far from the petrol station and so the attendant saw me and gave me some first aid,” he said.
Arrested
He was then taken to a police station in Thika town since attempted suicide is a crime. His mother was then called from Nairobi and three hours later she picked him. The police rebuked me ,they also did not understand what I was going through.He stayed home for a whole term then went back to school. He struggled through secondary education again and joined a college to pursue CPA.
At first it was simple but as time went by he started hanging out with the wrong company drinking frequently and partying. “That’s when I started feeling physical pains, chest tightness, head ache, joint ache, and insomnia. I went to the hospital and the diagnosis was malaria. I took the medication and I was fine for a few weeks and I would go back to the
same cycle. This went on for two years without finding out what my problem was,”he said. Michael went to public hospitals for a long time and became dependant on alcohol. He would drink all kind of alcohol his friends bought him because he was unemployed.
That was the only way he knew to calm his nerves, he was uncomfortable in his body.He then started hallucinating, he could see faces of people suspended in the air and laughing or crying at him. At times he heard voices inside his head.
“At this point I thought I was bewitched, I did not have any information about mental health and so I did not understand what was happening to me,” he said.
Diagnosis
His chest then continued being tight and his mother decided to take him to a chest specialist after talking to her friend who also had chest problems.The doctor then asked him questions about his sleep and physical feelings. He then referred
him to a psychiatrist for a mental check up. “Like other patients of clinical depression, I started having physical manifestation of mental illness in 1999. I had anxiety issues, I feared talking in front of people, I could not look at people straight in the eyes, I also had self esteem issues, I thought I was ugly and could not look into a mirror. My worst fear was escalators, I could not use it. My heart would beat hard, I would tremble and feel like things are moving inside my skin and I am being pricked,” Michael narrated.
Michaels fear for elevators was as a projection of his past experience, he once almost fell trying to use it. So he hated it and thought he would fall again. These fears interfered with his normal life. He was on anti-depressants and anxiety medications for some time. After six months of medication he started feeling well and stopped using them. He was
fine for three to four months but slowly he started slipping back into to depression. That was his cycle for many years and it was inhibiting his recovery.“I was mixing the drugs with alcohol and some of them are sensitive, the doctor also
did not tell me of their side effects (some of them have physical side effects like stiff neck), some also makes it hard for you to wake up in the morning. As a result I ended up being on medication for a very long time,” he narrates.
Michael then came across Users and Survivors of Psychiatry Kenya- USP Kenya in 2007. He met and interacted with them.
There is where he got his psycho-social support interventions, coping mechanisms and for him that was a very huge turning point.“People do not address issues that come with mental illness; they take their medications and sleep. The group accelerated my healing process because I was able to overcome many issues. My mother was supportive of me; she gave me the best medication she could afford. She even helped me change my career choice. All my life I wanted to be a lawyer but the illness came and so I had to do a reality check.” he said.
Fear
I had to let myself mourn my father’s death, which was one of the causes of my poor mental state. I was not being true to myself I am however still struggling with the fear of cars and driving. My father died in a car accident and so
that is the reason for my fear of cars he literally tremble when inside a car. I have worked for a car hire company but whenever I had an opportunity to drive I would turn down the offer. I am very lucky that I did not undergo
stigma from people close to me. They somehow understood me and they made my recovery easy.
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